"Legoland" by Gerard Woodward (Picador, 2016)

• In the first story, "The Family Whistle", a long-lost soldier husband returns to his wife after WW2. But her husband's already returned. Which one's the real one? She prefers the one she's with even though the new one's probably the genuine article. An ok plot, but little development given the length of the piece.
• I like "Union State" though there are too many words towards the end.
• In "A Night Crossing" a guy encounters a stag-party group, and thinks he's missed out on a night with a beautiful women. He end up sleeping in the stag-party's minibus regretting his missed opportunities and wondering what sort of person he is. I like the way the man's portrayed.
• "The Dogs" is a dud.
• "The Face" is a decent idea that nearly comes off.
• "The Fall of Mr and Mrs Nicholson" is fast-paced, with some humour - a writer is involved when a president is overturned and killed.
• "A birthday cockatrice" doesn't work for me.
• "The unloved" is mostly a dud, which puts 60 pages of deadwood in the middle of the book.
• In "Legoland" a man who's lost his memory has the main character's phone number in his pocket, on a playing card - the 3 of hearts. The narrator visits him in hospital, doesn't know him. The narrator's girlfriend Gemma (36 - she lives in another town) gets a heart-shaped tattoo which shocks him. The amnesiac briefly visits, attended by a nurse, suspiciously finds a pack of cards lacking the 3 of hearts, asks to stay for a few days because he doesn't want to stay in hospital. Like several of the other characters in the book, the narrator says yes when he means no. Gemma gets a matching tattoo on her other breast. The amnesiac calls himself Terry. They take him to Legoland because he'd been found walking towards it. They lose him there, and are relieved when they find/remember him again. There's a brief hint that thanks to Legoland the happily childless couple might consider starting a family.
• "Astronomy" - out of the blue a mother of 3 gets her husband a big telescope for his 32nd birthday. In the back garden "When he came to putting his eye to the eyepiece, he felt as gauche and as inadequate as a boy stealing his first kiss" (p.222). He "was astonished at how much of his neighbours' lives was visible, that they conducted them so openly, illuminated and uncurtained" (p.223). The story could have worked with a bit of tweaking.
• "Vice" - not saved by the final paragraph.
• "The Underhouse" - a neat idea that doesn't outstay its welcome
• "Glue" - Dawn (legal secretary - married with 2 daughters) and Lara (her younger sister - lesbian artist) don't meet often although Lara is the godmother of the girls. They fall out, with some help. Another weak piece.
• "The Flag" - A family is struggling to get food now that their country's been invaded. There's a giant funfair in the centre of town where everything is free. I didn't get much from the story's linear trajectory.
• "Neighbours" - a divorced man is asked by his old neighbour, Mrs Bredell, to complain about baboons howling and knocking in the adjoining empty flat. He can't see/hear them, but it's a problem in their city - 3 pages are expended telling us about it. After hearing noises they knock on the door, she with a harmless gun. Young lovers answer the door. The story ends well with the man consoling a shaken Mrs Bredell as a baboon appears at her window.

Several times in these stories I felt that the proportions were wrong - a passage lasted 3 pages instead of 1; a story idea should only have supported a page or two of text, or have been a sub-plot of a longer piece. I liked some aspect of many of the pieces.

Other reviews

• Max Liu (Woodward's writing is accessible but never simple or sentimental ... It's true that not everything works. "The Flag" owes too obvious a debt to Kafka, the depiction of the artist in "Glue" is unconvincing and some shorter stories are forgettable.)
• surreyedit
• Irish news