An audio book.
Felix, 74, an ex-accountant, a widower whose son died before his wife did, is an Exiteer, someone who offers to sit with suiciders who have a terminal, painful disease. They work in pairs. When his partner retires, a 24 year old woman, Amanda, replaces him. She's new and nervous. On their first case together there's a mix up. The wrong person dies (there are 3 generations of men, and the middle one, Albert, dies instead of the eldest, Skipper) and Felix leaves his briefcase behind. He goes home expecting to be arrested soon. He realises "his old life is over and waits until someone comes along to show him what his new life would be like". He's worried about his dog, Mabel. Felix's line-manager Jeffrey is taken in for questioning. He says nothing.
Constable Calvin Bridge turned down being a plain clothes detective, partly because he didn't want to risk his colleagues finding out that his mother's behind bars. He's 27 and fears he might die single. He's becoming death-haunted. He's battling against a gambling obsession which costs him little but means that he spends time in a betting shop.
He acquires a list of people who the Exiteers helped and checks if there's a connection.
Felix sees Amanda at a cafe with Reggie, the son of Albert. Felix is already suspicious about discrepancies. He tells everything to Miss Knott, an old neighbour, who advises him to return to the scene. So he visits Skipper. He has terminal cancer and attacks Felix. But they have a moving chat about fatherhood. Felix tells Skipper about his suspicions concerning the son. Felix meets the cleaner. She's pregnant.
Felix is arrested for absent-mindedly stealing a neighbour's flower to give to Miss Knott, but he thinks he's being arrested for murder, so he confesses. Amanda on a surprise visit to the scene sees the cleaner tell Reggie that she was pregnant by him - a once-only mistake. Amanda thinks that Reggie framed her.
Reggie discovers that Albert died owing "Terry" betting debts of £40,000. He gets roughed up. He tries a desperate bet on the Derby. It fails. Terry's heavy causes a gas explosion in Reggie's house. Only another heavy dies.
Wheelchaired Jeffrey turns out to be able-bodied Terry, the extortioner. He lent money to people then suggested the Exiteer option to them if they got into debt. When he's arrested he tells Calvin's boss all about his criminal family. After, the boss has a word with Calvin, telling him they'd already known.
Reggie discovers Albert's final betting slip, a derby win of £250,000, getting Reggie out of trouble.
At the end the cleaner ends up in prison (the pregnancy was false), Reggie and Amanda get engaged, and Calvin stays in plain clothes, dating Shirley, his boss. Felix gets together with Miss Knott and helps Skipper die the way he guessed (rightly) that Skipper wanted - on his old boat, going out to sea.
I like the writing. It's a dark comedy (a farce at times) with no lack of feeling, and many turns of phrase along the way
- A garden "boasted a picket line of gnomes"
- "Who does cheque fraud nowadays? Might as well steal a pig"
- "Nobody wants a cripple to be a criminal. At least, nobody wants to be the first to say it"
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